5 Types of People Who Drain Your Energy (and How to Handle Them)

Carl Jung had a way of cutting through the noise. He taught that our lives aren’t just shaped by conscious choices, but also by the habits and impulses we run on autopilot. Most people never stop to notice those patterns, which is why they keep repeating the same mistakes.

That truth shows up everywhere, but it’s especially clear in sober living. In recovery houses, you see up close how people’s patterns either help them grow or pull them right back into the chaos. But this doesn’t just apply to recovery—these patterns exist in families, friendships, and workplaces too. And if you’re not careful, the wrong people can quietly drain the life out of you.

Here are five types of people to watch out for—and how to deal with them.

1. The Lifelong Victim

You know the type. Life is always happening to them. Someone wronged them, bad luck followed them, nothing is ever their fault. In sober living, this person can turn every relapse, eviction, or conflict into someone else’s responsibility.

The problem is, they never connect the dots. Most of the fires they’re standing in started with their own match.

We all go through unfair seasons, but when someone is stuck in “poor me” mode all the time, it drags down the entire room.

How to deal: Don’t argue with their story—you won’t win. Protect your energy. Offer empathy without getting pulled into the drama. In sober living, keep boundaries clear: support, yes. Enabling, no. In everyday life, listen without taking ownership of their problems.

2. The Moral Superior

Some people carry themselves like referees of everyone else’s life. They don’t shout, but their quiet disapproval cuts deep. It’s not connection—it’s control. And if you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself constantly chasing their approval.

Whether you’re trying to stay sober, run a business, or just live your life, too much time with people like this erodes your confidence.

How to deal: Recognize the trap. Their approval isn’t oxygen—you don’t need it to breathe. In sober living, remind the house that no one resident is in charge of the others. Outside of recovery, refuse to let someone’s judgment become your compass.

3. The Taker Who Never Gives

Some people treat relationships like an ATM. They withdraw support, advice, comfort—but never give anything back.

In sober living, this is the resident who always leans but never stands on their own. Outside of recovery, it’s the friend who only calls when their life is falling apart.

The hard truth? You can’t do the work for someone else. You can love them, but you can’t carry them forever.

How to deal: Draw a line. Care for them, but don’t be their endless supply. In sober living, pair listening with accountability: “What step are you willing to take next?” In daily life, give only what you can without resentment.

4. The Performer

Jung said we all wear masks—roles that help us function. But problems start when someone believes the mask is their true self.

The performer avoids authenticity. They need things to look polished and “fine.” Conversations never go deeper than the surface.

In recovery houses, this is the person who refuses to admit they’re struggling because they don’t want to look weak. In the outside world, it’s the coworker who always seems perfect but never lets you in.

The danger? Spend too much time around them, and you’ll start editing yourself too.

How to deal: Don’t get caught performing alongside them. Bring authenticity into the room, even if they won’t. In sober living, normalize honesty: “It’s okay not to be okay here.” In life, decide how much surface-level interaction you can tolerate, and save your depth for those who meet you there.

5. The Oblivious Hypocrite

These are the people who criticize behaviors they secretly do themselves. They mock authenticity, not realizing their bitterness is just jealousy turned outward.

In sober living, it’s the resident who ridicules someone for being “fake” when they’re the one hiding. Outside of recovery, it’s the family member who complains about selfish people while never lifting a finger for anyone else.

They’re exhausting because they lack the one ingredient for growth: self-awareness.

How to deal: Don’t waste energy trying to prove their hypocrisy—they won’t see it until they’re ready. In recovery, hold them accountable with structure: rules apply equally. In life, remember that their criticism says more about their shame than about you.

Protecting Your Energy

This doesn’t mean cutting people out of your life entirely. Sometimes they’re family or people you love. But it does mean checking in with yourself after you’re around them.

Do you feel lighter—or do you feel drained? Do you leave hopeful, or like you need a nap just to recover?

If it’s the latter, then it’s time to reconsider how much access they get to your energy. You can encourage, point them toward resources, and hold space—but you can’t live their life for them.

At the end of the day, you only get so much energy. Protect it. Because whether you’re rebuilding your life in sober living, chasing career goals, or just trying to find some peace, you can’t do it surrounded by people who pull you under.